Now that you are forewarned, I'll get to the point.
My whole life, I was a member, I was born and raised in the LDS church, I also grew up in Utah, so it was just a way of life. I never really had a "true" testimony and I never really had a close relationship with God. In a sense, I solely did it because it was expected. To please my parents.
Something happened, very traumatic and devastating and one day I thought to myself, God, if you were really there, why would you let your children go through this stuff? I thought you loved your children.. I convinced myself that God wasn't real. I just didn't get it. I became very depressed . I really went downhill. I resorted to other substances to fill the gaps. My parents really were worried, and put me through counseling and it didn't help. My parents (stepmom and biological dad) sent me to live with my mom and her husband. I didn't want to live in Pennsylvania at all. I still wasn't all stable, emotionally, I still had a lot of kinks to work out.
At this point, I was so bitter that I didn't even want to step foot onto church property, but of course, my mom made me go. (Thanks mom, I appreciate it now) I met a wonderful person, and she became my best friend instantly. I also had an amazing Bishop, who genuinely cared, and he asked my mom if I could take a trip with him and his wife, to New Hampshire, to meet his daughter. He was inspired by the Lord to do so. My mom said yes and I was so excited.
Amanda (his daughter) and I were talking and she said something that really struck me. It wasn't enough to change myself, but it was enough to get me thinking. It was an indescribable trip and it was absolutely amazing! A few weeks later, he asked me if I would babysit, for his other daughter. I accepted. There was a Christmas Devotion at the temple and they all wanted to go. The father of the children ended up getting sick, so he ended up staying with the kids. I didn't have a temple recommend so I had to sit in the visitor's center, but I didn't mind.
I walked into the missionary room and I felt the Spirit for the first time and it hit me so strongly. I knew at that moment that I knew exactly what I wanted, and I knew where I needed to be in my life. That day on, I decided I was going to change. I went teaching with the sister missionaries and I read scriptures and prayed. I knew God really was there. I thought that He wasn't listening to me, but in reality, I wasn't listening to Him. He is there, I know without a doubt. It took me many wrong turns and a lot of trials to realize that He is there and will always be there. I know that through the Atonement we could become forgiven for all of our sins and I know the truthfulness of the Atonement. I am grateful for the people who've helped me realize my true worth, because I didn't know I had a worth for the longest time. But I know now that He loves me and I am worth so much to Him.
I don't view my past experiences in a negative light, because I know for a surety that God is TRULY there, and I know that He loves each of His children so dearly. His restored church is absolutely true and I encourage you to find Him and have faith in Him.
Alma 32:21-43
Truly what I needed to hear. Thank you for posting this.
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